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Heretic

by Mona Clay

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1.
I packed my shit and walked down sixth. I crossed the intersection hoping for a recollection of my sins. I did not like the things I saw and the paper and pen in my bag couldn't hold enough. I couldn't say enough. I need help but I'll never ask. I act so heretical and my mom puts the blame on my dad because she swears that it's inheritable. I hold on because that's all I have from this man. All of my teachers from high school always said that I had all of this potential and so on and so on. Well, so what?
2.
How can I know where I should go if I lost my sight within all that snow? That shit was so white. I mouth up these words with so much doubt because I lost my tongue inside of your mouth and that shit felt so right. The summer came while I was here, whispering to my own ears but that just came and went away. Then the winter came and it brought flames and those flames brought a warm embrace but that just came and went away.
3.
Thursday night is starting to feel a lot like everyday and I don't pray like how I say I will but God doesn't feel pain. My migraines are my gain but that's such a goddamn cliche thing to say. I'm not scared you know, I just get a little frightened. What the fuck? I'm full of bad blood and his scythe is sharpened. My garments are stained with bad wine but she says it's charming. What about the nicotine that's killing me? Who are we? (Who am I?) My bare feet kick cows' hides and birds' bones let them fly. Sometimes I can't lie so most times I just try to steer clear from your eyes because my eyes get watery. Listen to me when i say I swear I wasn't crying. Don't listen to me when I say that I think we're dying because I think I've had a bit too much of this alcohol inside me. I'll be fine because I planned this out, I flipped a dime and decided that the only time I'll drink this wine is on these Thursday nights.
4.
Healthy Now 01:22
We can get together and talk about the past times we had sex because I really like the past times we had sex but we both know you don't like to talk about that so we don't have to talk about that. I swear, I can go for some Adam Sandler and unhealthy food, but you probably like to be healthy now. I wouldn't know, it's been so fucking long since I've heard you speak and it sucks.
5.
I've got the soul of a giant but I'm still relying on these human emotions. All of these stupid emotions.

credits

released March 27, 2014

I need to thank Astor, Julian, Abraham, and Cesar for supplying me with the instruments and equipment used on this album and my family for putting up with the noise I make and for however long I make it. These people are extremely dear to me and I love them all very much.

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Mona Clay San Diego, California

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